Searching for Purpose.

Slowly, surly and a little painfully I am becoming more aware of areas in my life that need a little tune up. I will be the first to admit I am not perfect. Never have I struggled with feeling the need to be perfect, but I have (and still do) struggle with the idea that I might miss the perfect mark. I’m typically an indecisive person, and I think that is because I fear I will make a wrong decision. I fear I will mistake the voice of God with my own voice. I fear I will not hear God clearly and do what he otherwise instructed me to do. In major life decisions, in relationships, and in much of my thinking I often fear I will do something apart from God’s will.

What will happen if I do something apart from his plan? Certainly my whole life will be screwed up. Certainly God will shake his finger at me, take a deep breath and struggle to find a way to put me back on track. Certainly God’s purposes will be put on hold until I start making the right decisions. Certainly I will miss out on the brilliant things God has in mind for me because I didn’t make the right choice.

Certainly I am being a little bit sarcastic.

But I do struggle with similar thoughts nonetheless. I know this about myself, and I have been woking on conquering my fear of mistakes for quite a while. I learned God’s plans cannot be shaken. He is too big of a God to be thrown off track, and I am too selfish a person to think that I can stop his purposes from being fulfilled. The Message version of Job 42:2 says, “I’m convinced: You (God) can do anything and everything. Nothing and no one can upset your  (God’s) plans.” When I spend too much time worrying about missing the mark, I take too much time away from being present and trusting God is faithful in all his ways. I take too much time away from enjoying the simple things in life because I get too wrapped up in the bigger picture. I end up putting chains on myself even though Jesus paid the ultimate price to set me free. 

So I once again return to him. I once again to stand firm on his promises. As David stated,  “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures for ever (Psalm 138:8, ESV).”

If you’re anything like me you’re prone to wonder. I’m an over thinker and I ask top many questions. Even in my surrender I ask God, “What are your purposes for me?” After searching and practically begging for signs, I am left with one simple answer.

Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’This is the first and greatest commandment. (Matthew 22:37-38)

Straight from the mouth of Christ I find my purpose. My purpose is to love my God and to love others. I no longer have to be terrified of missing the mark. I no longer have to beg for God to reveal my calling. I am called to love, and because there is no fear in love there is no fear in living a life of love.

Sure it would be nice to know if I should attend grad school and pursue a degree in professional counseling. Sure it would be nice to know if I’ll become a “real” teacher or if I will continue to substitute. I see before me so many doors of opportunities, but I’m not sure which door to open..or which door God will open for me. It’s difficult to take steps towards certain doors because my fear of missing the mark or making a wrong decision still creeps up now and again, but I remain confident that God will fulfill his purposes in me as I fulfill my purposes in him. My hope is that here is a secret passage way, a door I do not see yet. I hope he leads me there. I hope he continues to lead me on a grand adventure. He has yet to disappoint. My faithful God is full of surprises and brilliant plans. I love his works. I love his love.

His grace is sufficient for me. His grace is sufficient for you, right now, today and for all your days to come. God is King of Kings and Lord of Lords yet he still cares about each and every one of our journeys. In our obedience to Christ, we need to take more leaps of faith rather than more time to second guess uncertainties. In our obedience, we are to love God and love others. In return, God will surely fulfill his purposes.


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